The Runner Chronicles: Echoes of Blood and Fire
by Little Raven-Hawk
Summary: Part 1. Captured during the culling of Sateda, soldier Shay Vallon is made a runner. After seven years, will she be able to accept the death of her world and find peace in the City of the Ancestors, as she learns to live all over again?
1. Choice

_**Disclaimer: I don't own SGA or SG1 or anything like that, I just wish I did...only Shay is mine. **_

_**DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE STARGATE FAN AWARDS!! I'LL BE VOTING…WILL YOU??**_

_**This is going to be a long hull and it will come very slowly. But don't give up on me either. I got a King Arthur fic I'm trying to finish, but I've been working on this one for weeks now...so you will have to bare with me. **_

_**This story will follow a number of story lines, and will include some of the episodes. A good number of them actually, but not all of them, only ones that will really move along the story for my character. There will be spoilers for all the seasons, so watch everything if you don't want it spoiled, even some for SG1.**_

_**And before you start reading...I thought I should let you know that there will be POV's here and there, and flashbacks that will be in italics. The rest of the story is in past tense. Just in case anyone was going to get confused. I will not warn you when it changes, but I'm sure you will figure it out. **_

_**Oh, and I made up an ancient Satedan language that Ronon and Shay will be conversing with between each other. That will be in italics within quotes and every once in a while I will put a few words together that seem like another language. **_

_**Oh, and since Ronon's gun does not have an official name, I'm calling it a pulse pistol and the larger ones we see in flashbacks and what he uses in "Sateda" are pulse rifles. Yes, I know that's a **__**Farscape**__** term...but blaster doesn't really fit and neither does gun. Besides, Ronon and his "gun" kinda remind me of Crichton and Winona or Aeryn and her pulse rifles. **_

_**Ok, so here we go...**_

Nothing is more difficult,

and therefore more precious,

than to be able to decide.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Chapter 1

Choice

They all look the same. Every world I come to. All of them are a blur of trees and small villages. Few I have crossed had some type of elevated technology. I'm sure, if I ever live through this, I will never be able to distinguish one from the other. Except maybe for this one...

You are scorched by day, and frozen by night. We had to huddle together by the fire the first night to keep the shivers to a minimum. The rain didn't help much. Rain at night and sweat during the day keeps your body constantly slick and uncomfortable.

We decided to stay awake the second night. To keep moving and the cold would not stiffen our bones. When you're on the haunt, nothing but your prey is on your mind. Not the cold or the fatigue in your legs. Not the pull at old wounds or pounding headache from lack of sleep. You're alert. You're aware. Completely and utterly prepared. Ready for anything.

You must be to survive a life like this one. If you can call this a life...

But we are still breathing. Still fighting. And at this moment, that is what matters most. Not the past, not the future, not the next planet, or the next Wraith you kill. It's the moment. That's what you live by. The only thing you can live by. One moment at a time. Because when you're a Runner, that's all you have. One moment, because the next could be your last.

Will and determination is all that fills your mind so you can reach the next moment and the next. You have no time for anything else.

And maybe, just maybe...it would hurt a little less.

* * *

There were devices here that she had never seen before. Not to mention the small ship they arrived on through the Ring. It was the first sign of high technology besides that of their homeworld. But the weapons...they were quite primitive compared to the Satedan pulse pistols strapped to their thighs. They apparently had yet to master hand held energy weapons. It was a pity. They needed all the weapons they could get. But these guns would do hardly any damage on a Wraith who just fed. They were of no use.

She pulled out an object wrapped in a type of gold material. She ripped it open and smelled what was within. Food. She took a large bit and handed it to her companion. It had to be the best tasting sustenance they have had in a long time.

A groan captured her attention. She looked back at their prisoners. A braid feel in her face as the man squinted at her. She flipped her hair behind her shoulders. "Ford?" he asked. Ronon glanced back at him. They both looked back at their possessions as the woman began waking.

"Colonel?" her voice still a bit heavy from confusion.

"You okay?"

"My head is pounding," she drawled. "Where are we?" she stared at the solid rock wall in front of her.

"I was just about to ask them."

John took in the height of the strangers as they stood with the P-90s in their hands. Clothes tattered and old damaged armor. He couldn't tell the color of their skin from the sunburns and dirt smudges. He couldn't help but think that their captors looked as if they just stepped out of a Ridley Scott film. Both stopped in front of them, and it was only then that he realized the shorter was actually a woman. Beneath the cold stare and rough exterior, there was no mistaking the feminine grace. "You might want to be careful where you point those things. You got the safety off."

The woman smirked as they both professionally charged the weapons, pointing them at John and Teyla. "Okay, be that way," he said. "But my guess is if you wanted us dead, we would be. So why don't you tell us who you are and what you want." They didn't move. Didn't even flinch or blink. The stare from both was intimidating, and John had to hold back the desire to shift away. "Alright, I'll go first. I'm Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard."

"I am Teyla Emmagen," the Athosian added, twisting her head around to see them.

The woman shifted on her feet, and took a look at her companion. "Colonel?" his voice rumbled.

"It's my rank. Military designation," John explained. He noticed their hesitation.

"Specialist Ronon Dex," the man said almost with a snarl. He turned around and walked back to their kits.

"Specialist Shay Vallon," the woman lowered the gun but didn't move away.

John creased his brow. "That's the both of you?"

"Name and rank," Shay now moved away, tossing the P-90 to the ground.

"Military?" At his question they both froze.

They stared at each other for a long moment. It's as if the question he asked made them see ghosts. If they were military, they were far from that now. Shay could not even remember the feel of a Satedan pulse rifle in her hands. Armor on her shoulders. It was such a far off memory, that it was a different life. "We used to be," she whispered.

Their eyes didn't leave one another. The same visions were running in their minds. A crumbling city. The haunting screams of the dying that neither would ever forget. The dead faces of the men they called brothers. The buzzing of darts overhead. "It was a long time ago," Ronon added.

The two continued to go through their things. "And now?"

Ronon looked John square in the eye. "Now we're deciding whether to kill you and your friends."

Both prisoners stopped breathing a moment. In the hands of two deadly trained warriors. This was not good. Though, they always tended to get themselves into these situations, and by some miracle, always got themselves out of it.

The two runners continued to curiously weave their way through the items in the off-world vests. The sun moved lower in the sky as its rays revealed the definition of their features. John immediately thought of gladiators. He watched the woman curiously. Her dark red hair was half way down her back. The armor she wore was worn and tattered, forcing him to wonder how long they had lived like this. Whatever this was.

However rough and torn they seemed, he knew they were still strong. They carried themselves with pride. And for whatever reason they lived this way, nothing would stop them from surviving it.

The problem was…what would they do with him and Teyla? He watched as they silently conversed with each other, only using expressions to communicate. As if they were twins together since birth who had created their own language. Whoever they were, they had been doing this for a long time.

John looked at them with a calm determination as they both smeared something onto the exposed skin of their arms. "Look, the men guarding the Stargate are highly trained men armed with deadly weapons."

They shared a curious look. "Stargate?" Ronon asked.

John rolled his eyes. Maybe not as smart as he thought. "Stargate—big circle thing." He motioned the shape of a circle with his head.

"We've always known it as the Ring of the Ancestors. No matter. We have to get through."

"We didn't come here looking for you. And the whole killing thing is really unnecessary."

"If your friends try and stop us…" Shay warned, subconsciously gripped the pulse pistol at her hip.

"They won't," John said hastily. "If we tell them not to. We can all go to the Gate together, and you folks can be on your merry way."

"We've been through the galaxy enough to know you shouldn't trust anyone. Why are you any different?" the woman questioned.

_Great_, John thought. "That's a good question. Teyla, why should they trust us?"

"We mean you no harm," the Athosian soothed. "We are only searching for a friend."

Shay and Ronon glance at each other. They mumble a few words in a language John had never heard. He stole a look at Teyla, who shook her head. "Fantastic," John drawled.

"We saw him," Shay said. John snapped his head to her. "Your friend."

"Where? When?"

"He killed the Wraith that was hunting us," Ronon sneered.

"Hunting you?"

"_Shavi ota_," Shay said, and left the cave.

"Where is she going?" John asked.

Ronon ignored the question. "Why are you looking for him?"

"His name is Aiden Ford and he's sick."

Ronon looked thoughtful for a moment. "I thought he'd been in the sun too long. It can make you sick here."

John flexed against the restraints. "That may be true, but that's not all that's wrong with him."

"Then why is he running from you?"

"Well, he's not…exactly."

"Then what's he doing, exactly?" Ronon took a few steps closer.

"It's complicated."

"You can do better than that," he demanded.

* * *

Shay trekked silently, keeping to the shadows, which unfortunately, were hard to come by here during the daylight. They had to leave this place soon. More Wraith would be here by nightfall…if not sooner. If these strangers had not showed up, they would already be gone. So far, none of their traps had been set off. Their friend must be nowhere close. It could mean even bigger problems for them if he does. If he cares about them at all. Fo some reason, she had a feeling he wasn't exactly normal.

Shay was careful to disguise her tracks as she made her way back to the cave. She took a deep breath. They wouldn't survive for much longer. They were strong. Even stronger together. But you could only survive for so long. She pushed back the unshed tears for a home she left behind. A home they had failed to protect the first time. And they would rather die than ever take the Wraith back to Sateda.

She shook her head. Shay buried her emotions again as she entered the cave.

"…got an overdose of the drug. It kinda messed him up," John explained. Shay ignored him as his eyes found her when she appeared. She assumed Ronon would catch her up on the story later…if it really mattered.

She set a hand on her companion's shoulder. He glanced up at her and she simply shook her head. Words were rare between them, especially since they had become runners. It was just too dangerous because you simply can't know if there's someone watching. They could read each other expressions so well, words simply weren't required. The common tongue was almost foreign to her lips because when they did speak, it was usually in the ancient language of Sateda. The first language spoken on their homeworld after that of the Ancestors.

Ronon nodded in reply, turning his attention back to their hostages.

"We think we can help him, if we can find him."

From the pile of their possessions, a crackle of static interrupts the conversation. Ronon and Shay turn to the sound in alarm. Her hands hover over her pistol in pure instinct. "What's that?"

"Radios."

"Communication devices."

"Our people are trying to contact us. The cave is probably causing interference."

Ronon grabs John's vest, and both Satedans head outside. He immediately grabs the device and starts experimenting with its buttons. Shay looks on uninterested.

"_What's wrong_?" he asked in the old tongue.

She wasn't surprised. They knew each other better than anyone. "_We should just let them go_."

Ronon paused and turned towards her. "_Why is that_?" he spat.

"_They are no one to us. We could probably pass through the Ring without them even noticing_."

"_You saw their technology as well as I did. They're not that stupid_," he went back to the radio.

Shay was silent for a moment. "_They seem trustworthy_." He only stared at her, hard. "_I know. I remember what happened last time_." She dropped it. Ronon never liked that conversation. According to him, no one was worthy of their trust. Not after a very long time, that is. She couldn't blame him. Usually, she would feel the same way. It was her mistake after all, the last time they trusted strangers. But there was something about these people. They were genuine. She could feel it.

"Keep your hands where we can see 'em!"

They turned to see both of their hostages, free and armed once more with their weapons. Ronon returned the radio to its place, keeping his hands in front of him. He stole a glance at Shay. She just shrugged and did the same with her hands.

"We told you," Ronon said calmly, "we have to get through the Ring."

"Why?" John held his rifle steady at Shay.

"Because the Wraith are coming," she said sternly.

"How do you know?"

"We know. They are hunting us." Shay felt the urge to tap her foot impatiently. They didn't have time for this. They should have just fought their way through the Ring.

John smirked snidely. "Join the club."

Teyla hesitated and lowered her gun a fraction. "You are runners." Ronon nodded. "I've heard stories but…"

"What's a runner?" John shifted uncomfortably.

"We were captured during a culling on our planet. We were taken to their ships. The Wraith started to feed on us." He paused. "Something made them stop."

Shay continued. "They operated on us -- put some sort of tracking devices in our backs and then released us. We've been running ever since."

"They hunt us. We hunt them back."

"Your people might want to be careful," Shay warned. "We have plenty of traps set in these woods."

Their hands start to move toward the pistols at their hips. John stiffened. "Don't do it. Like I said, we're not here to get in your way."

Shay knew what he was planning. They had backed up each other for so many years they knew each other's plans like second nature. Only once did they disagree. Ronon nodded. "That's good." He threw the vest towards John, who fires his gun, but is knocked off balance.

Shay rolls away from Teyla's line of fire, pulling her pistol in the same move. When her feet were planted, she fires for Teyla's gun arm. The weapon falls from her hands. Ronon had John at gun point. "You're lucky we had them set to stun."

Shay keeps her pistol on Teyla as she wearily stands. "Stings, doesn't it?" Shay looks down at her smugly. The Athosian lips set firmly, biting back a remark.

John holds his hands up to Ronon. "Look," he turns towards the group. "You wanna go through the Gate, fine. Let me radio my guys, and they'll let you through."

Shay smirked. A typical peacemaker. "You can tell them in person. We're taking you with us," Ronon informed them.

"You know," John put in quickly. "There's a chance we can help you."

Doubt instantly filled Shay's senses. "How?"

"We have a pretty good doctor. Maybe he can take those tracking devices out."

"You think we haven't tried?" Ronon asked incredulous.

John shrugged and lowered his gaze. "Suit yourself."

Shay regarded him for a moment. Then Teyla. Even still, she couldn't help but feel the truth from these people. She and Ronon were not easily deceived. However, now Ronon seemed to be hesitating. She looked at her companion. Ronon backed away from John a few steps and glanced at her.

They regarded each other for a moment. "_Verita rein_." Trust them. She saw the ascent in his eyes. They lowered their weapons.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm a nice guy. Look, I told you. You hate the Wraith, we hate the Wraith -- it's something we all have in common. We just want our friend back."

Shay smiled inwardly at this man. He was some kind of persistent. Could only imagine how stubborn when it involved a woman. She could get used to having a guy like that around her. She looked at Ronon and nodded.

"You get these tracking devices out of us and we'll get your friend back," Ronon consented.

John let out a breath in relief. "Okay, good. It's a deal." He hopped down to Ronon's level. "Let's all go back to the Gate and we'll get that thing out of you too."

"No," Shay intervened. "You go back and bring the doctor. We'll keep her with us."

"Look, I think-"

"This or no deal," Shay commanded.

John looked at Teyla then nodded. "Fine. I'll be back. Keep the radio on." And he disappeared into the trees.

Ronon and Teyla sat at the mouth of the cave. Shay sighed and went off back into the trees. She hoped they had made the right choice.

* * *

They weren't that difficult to follow. The doctor spoke to loud. She didn't even have to be careful with her steps. Any noise she made would drown out in the doctor's voice. When only the doctor headed for the cave, she stayed close on the Colonel. She'd never seen a rifle like that. Not on any of the worlds she has seen. And that's more than just a few. He settled at the top of an overlooking hill, surrounded by trees and undergrowth.

She revealed herself from behind and tree and aimed her pistol. "Hello, Colonel." He froze. "Back away from the rifle. Don't try anything. This time, I don't have it set to stun."

He pushed his chest up from the ground, scooting away from his weapon. Shay carefully stepped her way closer to him. She sat down a few feet away, her pistol still up. "Who are you guys?" he asked honestly.

Shay stared at him. There was something about this man you just couldn't lie to. She pursed her lips. "We're from Sateda."

"Haven't been there yet."

"I'm sure there's plenty of places you haven't been yet, Colonel. For some, you're much better off," she smiled lightly.

He snorted in laughter. "You're probably right." He looked at the pistol in her hand. "You don't have to keep it on me, you know." Shay considered for a moment before lowering the point. "So, how long have you been this…running?"

"Seven years."

He nodded dumbly. "An expert, I guess then?"

She shrugged. "If you can call it that. It's not as if I chose this."

"Sorry," he mumbled. Shay wondered why, but didn't voice the question.

She looked down to the cave. The doctor was setting up his equipment. The sun was low on the horizon. They were running out of time. She had estimated that more Wraith would arrive by nightfall. It was here. That doctor would have to speed it up if they planned on living through this.

"Why do they do it?" John asked, voice at a low somber.

Holstering her pistol, Shay released a long breath. "I don't know. Training, learn our tactics, measure our will. No runner ever lives long enough to find the truth."

The Colonel nodded. Hesitating with his next question, he shifted uncomfortably. "Do you have a family?"

For the first time, she looked him in the eye. There really was nothing fair about this life. You live to suffer endlessly, then die. Seems useless. Why live when there is nothing to live for? When no one person alone can do anything great enough to cause any kind of change. We live, just to live. Are there any gifts or blessings in that?

"Do you have any family, Colonel?"

John kept his eyes on his hands. "I wasn't much of a son."

Shay smiled sadly. "I wasn't much of a daughter." They looked at each other, seeming children trying to find comfort in the other. "They died," she finally said. "A long time ago."

"I'm sorry."

Shay gave him an amused expression. "You say that a lot, and I wonder why. You have nothing to be sorry for. Not when it comes to me."

"It just…doesn't seem like you deserve this," John said quietly.

"How can you know what I do and don't deserve?" Her voice got sharper with every word. "You don't know me. You don't know Ronon. How do you know you can trust us?"

John was speechless for a moment. This is not where he saw this conversation going. "You seem like you're in a tight spot, and it's obvious that you two are talented. We're just in the right situation to help each other. You trust us, we'll trust you."

All of a sudden, a deepening pit filled her stomach. "Where are you from?"

He hesitated. "Shay," he breathed, knowing his answer would be a problem. Her name on his lips made a shiver travel up her spine. She hadn't felt that for almost ten years. She ignored it, knowing she wasn't going to like his answer. "Why don't we get this tracking devices out of you, find Ford and I'll take you on a tour once we get back."

Shay only eyed him strangely. John slumped his shoulders. "If I told you where we're from it could be very dangerous to us. The Wraith think our city is dead. If they find out it isn't…it could ruin the chances of the entire galaxy."

"I thought you decided to trust us?"

"It's not my call. For all we know you could be Wraith worshippers. It's happened before." Shay's hand gripped the pistol at her hip as her eyes narrowed at him. He raised his hands harmlessly. "Hey, I meant no offense. We just gotta get to know each other better."

Shay stared at him a moment, then turned her attention to the scene below. They didn't speak again.

* * *

Her body it the ground. The tremor of pain through her back forced her eyes open. She turned onto her stomach, trying to calm her breathing. Every stretch of her skin sent pain through her spine. She gritted her teeth and groaned through the worst of it. She looked up at Ronon who was hastily tying his armor back on. They weren't at the cave anymore. Somehow, he had carried her and their weapons without being followed.

Shay shook her head. A long time ago, she gave up trying to figure out how he did these things. "Did he get it?" she croaked.

"Yes."

A satisfactory sigh passed through her lips. A breathy laugh followed. It was over. Finally. After this, they could go home. Actually go home. That promise surged adrenaline through her veins. The excitement of the hunt began to linger. The silence of the night was broken by gunfire in the distance. Ronon looked in that direction as he holstered his gun.

"Catch up," he said simply, then bolted into the darkness.

A grin settled on her lips. "No problem." She reached for her armor.

* * *

Shay ignored the jolting pain in her back as she sprinted through the trees. She couldn't hear a fight anywhere near, so she continued in the direction of the gunfire, trying to follow Ronon's tracks as best she could in the dark. Shay burst through the undergrowth onto a trail. She knelt closer to the dirt. Two sets of tracks. One of them Ronon's. He was in pursuit.

A rustle in the trees behind her caught her attention. She pointed her pistol in that direction as a figure scrambled through the trees. Two gun barrels met each other. Shay looked past the rifle into the face of her opponent. Colonel Sheppard. But she didn't lower her weapon.

Her mind raced. Could they really trust them? John lowered his weapon. "Relax. I'm not here for you." She didn't move a muscle. More gunfire sounded off behind her. Ronon, her mind screamed. Trusting a stranger for the first time in years, Shay holstered her weapon and took off in the direction of the gunshots. John's footsteps were right behind her.

John took off after his rogue friend. Shay leaned against the tree beside her and frowned. She missed the fight…as usual. Ronon was always on the forefront. "What took you so long?" he grunted.

Speaking of. Shay rolled her eyes. "You left without me," she teased. She sighed. The fatigue was finally getting to her. She'd been awake for three days now. And the knowledge that she wasn't being tracked anymore was liberating. They didn't have to run anymore. Real food. A real night's sleep. A real bed. It in fact sounded mouthwatering. She smiled and sat on the forest floor.

"Think you could help me down?" Rodney asked. Shay frowned as her daydreaming was interrupted. She pulled her gun. Rodney's eyes widened. "No!" Shay aimed at the rope, taking one shot. The weaving of the rope snapped. The scientist screamed on his way down to the ground, but suddenly stopped inches from the grass. He looked up. Ronon was smiling again, holding on to one of his ankles. The Satedan lowered him slowly. Rodney laid face up on the ground. "Thanks for—um...who are you?" he breathed.

She couldn't help it. She laughed. Pain burned through her back, but she didn't care anymore.

They were free.


	2. Freedom?

**Disclaimer:...always the same**

**Chaotic Jinx: I had actually thought of that problem when I first starting writing it...but Ronon also said 2 doctors couldn't get it out either. So Shay, having no medical experience, even less than those two doctors, wouldn't have been able to do it anyway. I'm glad you like Shay. I've spent FOREVER working on her. This is the first time I'm flipping around with third person, first person and flashbacks. I'm having a blast writing this story...if only I could finish the chapters quicker...**

**So this is the first taste you guys are getting of the flashbacks, and the reason this chapter has taken so long for me to write. I really want Shay's childhood to fit her character now, so I've been working extra hard on them.**

**I hope I'm not confusing anyone.**

**And thanks guys who reviewed and everyone who has already faved this story...LOVE YA...**

Chapter 2

Freedom?

_A young brown haired girl lost herself within the cantri field. The crop stood at least a foot over her head, wading in the breeze like an ocean. Her mother told her not to go into the fields, but she couldn't stay in the house any longer. She was tired of mourning. And that's all her mother seemed to do these days. Of course, she would always miss her father. But she didn't believe in misery. It was something her grandfather always said . _

_After her mother decided to isolate herself in their room, she snuck out to explore her new home. She didn't want to live out here, in the farmlands. She liked the city. Her friends were in the city. Her life. Their life. What kind of life to live was there out here? Except to slip deeper into grief. Her mother said they had no choice. Her father supported them, and they could not survive alone. It didn't make sense. Her father gave his life for this world, and because of that, they had to give all they had and move into another life. "Don't worry," her mother said. "One day, you will understand." _

_Yet again, the fact that she was only 8 years old kept secrets between them. Every chance he got, her father shared all with her. About the men he commanded, the missions they served, and even at times when mother wasn't looking, taught her the basics of hunting. Her mother didn't like the idea of her learning such things. "Women become mothers and nurses, not soldiers."_

_But she wanted to be just like father. Fighting for the survival of their people. It was something about him that no matter how long she lived, she would never forget: his honor. _

_Her strides became long and fluid as she became lost in dreams of the past. A rustle ahead, broke her revere. She went still instantly. Her hand swiftly pulled the knife hidden in her boot her father had given her just before leaving on his last mission. _

_She did what he taught her to do. She listened. For every displaced sound that didn't belong. To be the predator, one must control the environment. Know every inch and every movement. But whoever and whatever this was…was good. She was attacked from behind and found a knife at her throat. "Who are you?" a young throaty voice demanded. _

_She rolled her eyes. Typical boy, always underestimating anything female. Apparently boys in the farmlands were no different than ones in the city. _

_As her heel slammed down on his foot, his hold on her eased and she twisted his wrist, flipping him over her shoulder. Her knee, sitting on his chest, forced him into the ground. A boy, her age, found two knives at his throat. "The question is who are you?" She smiled and stood, taking a few steps back. _

_She replaced her knife as he stood, disgruntled. She held out the second knife to him. "My name is Shay Vallon. This is my uncle's farm."_

_The boy snatched the knife from her hand. "So you're his niece." He flipped the knife in his hand expertly, brushing the brown curls from his eyes. _

_Shay put a hand on her hip. "You didn't tell me your name."_

"_Ronon Dex."_

"_You're our neighbors?"_

"_Obviously." His expression softened, as if remembering something. "It was your dad, wasn't it?"_

_Shay kicked at the ground. "Yeah. He was a Specialist Commander."_

"_So was my grandfather. My father is a Task Master. He'll retire soon." Ronon crossed his arms, hesitating with his next words. "So who taught you to do that?"_

"_My father mostly. My grandfather taught me to hunt before he died." Shay took notice of the sun. "I should probably get back. My mother didn't want me to come out here."_

"_She didn't know…did she?"_

"_Know what?"_

"_That he was teaching you to hunt?"_

_She grinned, and he smiled in return. "No. She didn't."_

"_I didn't think so." They stood in comfortable silence, sizing up each other in a friendly fashion. "My family's farmhouse is at the foot of those hills. Your uncle's cantri fields end where our santra fields begin. My mother would like to meet you."_

"_I'm sure I can find my way."_

"_It was nice to meet you, Shay."_

"_And you, Ronon." And he was gone. Shay smiled and turned back the direction she came. Perhaps the farmlands weren't so bad. She could get used to it. _

* * *

Shay sat inside the jumper, which apparently, the Wraith couldn't see because it was invisible. The "darts", the Atlanteans have called them, were still roaming the skies. She snorted. Probably trying to figure out what happened. No runners have probably ever escaped. And the two biggest challenges they ever had, just disappeared, as if into thin air. She flexed the muscles in her back, hissing from the movement.

"Here," a voice startled her. Shay turned to see, John, holding two pills and water out towards her. "To take the edge off, until we get to Atlantis." She nodded taking the pills in her palm. She stared at them strangely. "Just pills. You swallow them with water, should start workin' pretty soon."

Shay did as instructed. John sat down next to her. "Persistent, aren't they?" He motioned towards the Darts.

Shay shrugged. "We were their prized possessions."

"You don't belong to anyone," John said, disgusted.

The Satedan glanced at him with a small smile. He was passionate, this man. Seemed like a good man to have around. "As long as the people of this galaxy continue to fall slave to them, nothing will ever change."

"That's why there's people like me and my team. That's why we're here. To fight them, and make sure that what happened to your people, never happens again." Shay nodded, appreciatively. "We could sure use your help," John added lightly.

With curious eyes, Shay stared at him in wonder. "I'll have to think about that…" Shay spoke in a low whisper. They smiled together. Darkness suddenly swept over them as the stargate deactivated. "It's been thirty eight minutes," the scientist groaned. "How much longer will they actually look for you?" he asked pointedly to Ronon. He shrugged, not interested in the conversation.

"Relax, McKay," John sighed. "They'll give up eventually."

The Stargate dialed, and the glow from the event horizon once again plunged into the jumper. A screaming filled the air as the Wraith darts lined up, one by one, disappearing into the open wormhole. "You see," John gloated, as the last dart entered. "Dial the gate." Rodney complied happily. John sat a hand quickly on her shoulder before heading for the pilot's seat. Ronon caught her eye with a frown. Shay ignored him. He never did like her taste in men.

* * *

"_I know that look_," Ronon argued. "_I've seen it one too many times."_

"_Don't be dramatic_," Shay waved him off. "_I just appreciated what he said to me, that's all. You're making a far too big of deal about this_." She glanced over to the two men guarding them. They were nervous, she could tell. She would be too if she were them. They were two possibly dangerous enemies arguing in a language they have undoubtedly never heard before. Who knows what they were saying. Luckily for them, it had nothing to do with their captors. Not really, anyway.

"_It's not my fault you have bad taste in men._"

"_Oh, and you're such a good judge of character that you set me up with someone that ended in nothing but disaster_?" Shay snapped.

"_That wasn't my fault. He was perfect for you. And you agreed with me_."

"_Until I found what kind of man he really was_." Shay sat on the bed disgusted.

"_Just don't get any ideas, Shay. We don't even know these people_."

"Do _you think living with my uncle all those years taught me nothing about deception? Do you think being a runner, for as long as you I might add, gave me enough experience for this kind of thing? You don't give me enough credit, Ronon. None of you ever did._"

"_What_?"

"_I fought everyday for the right to be in the Militia. Even for your respect. You may have supported me, but you never thought I could do it._"

The door to the room they were held in opened, but Ronon went on. "_I put my career and our lives on the line to protect you. I protected you at times when no one else could_."

"_What does that mean_?"

A cough drowned the room in silence. "Am I interrupting something?" John asked.

"No," Shay said quickly. "We were just talking."

"Oh. So…how's it going?" John asked lamely. Shay almost smiled. So, he wasn't good at hiding things. That's good at least.

"This place is impressive," Ronon said with a deep breath. Shay kept her attention on John, avoiding Ronon's gaze. They weren't good at fights. Or arguing. They had been running on adrenaline for so many years, they've thrown a few punches at each other now and then.

"Yeah, those Ancestors sure could build them," John crossed his arms and looked everywhere but at them. Her stomach dropped. Something was wrong.

"The guards are unnecessary."

"Well, you know…with your habit of taking people hostage…" he trailed off.

Ronon showed the ghost of a smile. "I meant, should we want to escape, they wouldn't be able to stop us."

John froze. "Right."

Ronon finally got impatient. "Did you manage to contact our homeworld."

John sighed somberly. "That's why I'm here." His eyes finally found hers. She knew, in a few moments, all her hopes would die.

* * *

Have you ever laid all your dreams and hopes on one thing that seemed absurdly impossible?

I've seen plenty of men and women in my line of work keep all their dreams wrapped up in letters from home. Pictures of their kids. A wedding ring hanging with their tags. A small bible they keep in a pocket over their heart.

These two…all they ever wanted was to go home. Their families were already dead. Slaugthered by the Wraith. All they had left was each other, a home they dreamed of see again one day, and the hope that some of their friends still lived. That maybe, over the last seven years, their people would be thriving again.

I've seen people hope. And I've seen those dreams die, in ways that I'd rather not remember.

But this grief…of two people who had been surviving on hope alone for so many years…my heart broke with them. The life died in their eyes and the armor buckled so tightly around them crumbled like it was never there in the first place.

At this moment, I know one thing for certain. Ronon Dex and Shay Vallon held a strength that I couldn't comprehend. Of course, the ability to probably kick the shit out of me a million times over. But that's not what I meant. I mean will. How many people could go through the countless days of exhaustion, fatigue, hunger, infected wounds, and who knows what else while being hunted by the Wraith every minute…and actually live? Survive. Make it out in one piece. Hell…we barely survived a world inhabited only by kids.

These two were the definition of survivor. They didn't deserve any of this. Why did it have to come to this? You know that saying…bad things always happen to good people. Why did this one have to be true? And why did it always come down to people like me to break someone else's heart? That's one thing they skipped in Lt. Colonel training. And in moments like this…that's all that really matters. Because there's no good and bad news. Just a life that shatters because of one loss.

How is something like that, ever going to be fair?

* * *

The room was suffocating her. She tried to control the pulsing ache from inside, but it stretched from limb to limb. They stood before the screen, staring in desperation at a live video feed of a ruined city. At first, she thought they had dialed wrong address. But no, after a moment, she recognized the towers of mid town. It was Sateda. And there was no life in sight.

"I don't understand," Ronon almost whispered. Shay clenched her fists. This couldn't be happening.

Their leader, Dr. Elizabeth Weir, whom they had met on their arrival to the city, looked on with genuine sorrow. She may be nervous about them staying in the city, with their kind of track record, but she was real. "We have machines called M.A.L.P.s. They're capable of transmitting back images and information from other planets. We sent this one to the address you gave us."

"This...is Sateda?" Shay's voice wavered.

"I'm sorry," John frowned. "It doesn't look like anyone survived the last attack."

Shay closed her eyes as a tear fell. Her head lowered and no longer held the demeanor of a deadly warrior, but someone who was lost. Devastated. Seven years of wasted dreams. The sorrow in their expressions darkened the room.

Shay's voice broke as she couldn't look at the video feed anymore. She turned her back on the screen and faltered out of the room. Ronon stared at his home one last time before following her.

The two guards John had assigned to follow them started out the door. He shook his head, and they backed off. It was the least he could do.

The control room watched outside the glass as Ronon caught up to Shay just in time to wrap his arms around her waist as her knees gave way. The sound of her sobs floated into the room. Her hands latched onto his armor as she laid her head on his chest. Ronon held her close and whispered words into her ear. No one missed the tears falling from Ronon's eyes as he led Shay down the stairs and back in the direction of their room.

* * *

Even after two weeks in this city, she still didn't feel clean. Her scars were still pink. Muscles still ached. Nights still sleep deprived. Had nightmares rather than dreams. Hair still a mess. That was the problem. She still looked and felt like a runner. The freedom didn't make any difference. Even though they had done the impossible, ran long and hard enough to survive, the Wraith still won. She still lived like a runner. And she couldn't imagine that changing in the soon to be future.

She had beat a routine into herself and lived the same way for so long, it wouldn't be so easy to change. Like surviving on the run, she would have to take it one step at a time. But for now at least, she wouldn't have to look over her shoulder.

Shay stared at herself in the mirror. That would be second. Maybe she could ask Teyla for some clothes. Shay reached into the shower, and started the water. She stripped her clothes and stepped into the steaming water. It stung, but she didn't cry out or change the temperature. A sigh passed her lips as the water draped over the itching scar. Using shampoo and conditioner, she untangled the the long braids in her hair. Her skin was pink from heat as she stepped out. She wrapped a towel around her, shaking the hair around her shoulders.

Taking the knife from the sink, she gripped a handful of hair in her hand and sliced through it just below her shoulder. She let out a breath of relief, and finished the job. Before looking in the mirror, she took a set of fours silver rings in her hand. She put only two small braids in her hair, one behind each ear, and a ring at each end. Dropping the towel from her body, she finally peeked at her reflection. It may not help with the nightmares, but, it's a start.

* * *

Shay sat down across from Teyla and gave a tentative smile.

Shay sat her tray down across from Teyla with a tentative smile. The Athosian glanced up from her own tray and grinned as the other pulled up a chair. "Shay, good afternoon." Shay nodded and the woman noticed the change. "You cut your hair."

"I did," she said simply.

"It looks good," Teyla offered.

Shay nodded her thanks. She liked this woman. She may not have the tough skin of a Satedan, but she demanded respect. As a leader and warrior. As a native of this galaxy, her understanding of the two Satedans stretched that extra mile, when that of the people from Earth just fell short. Shay thought it best to get right to the point. It was not a very difficult question afterall, no matter how much she wished she didn't have to. All women have their needs.

"Teyla," she began reluctantly. "I don't have many...things. Things I didn't have time to worry about as a runner. I would find it most helpful if you could..." she trailed off.

Teyla gave a small smile of reassurance. "Help you with getting some new clothes." It wasn't a guess.

The Satedan sighed in relief. "How-"

"I have been wondering when you might ask," Teyla stated. "I have some clothes from the Athosian settlement that may be suitable. I brought them back from my visit a few days ago."

Shay let her muscles relax as a small smile reached her lips. Perhaps it would be easier to live here than she first believed.

"How are you settling in, Shay?"

"As well as I can. Ronon and I are not exactly used to this kind of place. Not even Sateda had cities this impressive."

"I'm not sure of another planet that does."

Teyla seemed to hesitate, poking her fork into then chicken on her tray. "Do you plan on staying?" she asked quietly.

Shay too, hesitated. It was an option she hadn't yet thought about. There was no doubt Ronon would not want to stay. But where would they go? The plan, if they ever survived, was to go home. Back to Sateda to help their people rebuild. But Sateda was gone, and their people with it. Possibly being the last Satedans in the galaxy, where was home? They had nowhere to go. And once again, the Wraith had won. They may have survived, but what was there to go back to? What was there to do with the lives they now have to live?

A question she had no slightest inkling as how to answer. "I don't know," she finally said, her voice solemn.

"It is my understanding that Colonel Sheppard has said you are free to stay or go. It's up to you."

In that moment, Shay understood why she was a leader. She never forced her opinions on anyone, and allowed others to make their own choice. She gave no orders, but merely suggestions and guidance. She was strong, and kind with she would sure be a formidable anger streak. No, this was not a woman you would wish to cross.

"Ronon and I will have to decide something together. I'm not sure we would find it in our hearts to separate now." Teyla gave an appreciated nod. They fell into a companionable silence as both went back to their food.

Shay didn't look up as a third person joined them. She knew by his foot falls who it was. No one else had his exact stride. "Ladies..." he joked as he took the empty spot beside Shay. It surprised her. This man surely was unlike any other she had ever met.

"Colonel Sheppard," Teyla greeted, always with a smile. Shay only gave a nod, wondering how the woman could be so positive all the time.

"Shay, how's it going?" he exclaimed.

"Fine..."

"Put any thought as to whether you guys will stay, or not?" He unhooked his knife and fork, digging into the lasagna on his tray. He took one bite and did at double take beside him, choking on the food in his mouth. He swallowed some water, clearing his throat. "You cut your hair."

"Yeah. This is the real Shay Vallon. Who I was..before." Her voice was low.

There's a lot of things he could have said. But he didn't. She certainly did look different. He pointed at the rings on her braids. "What are the rings for?"

"They were my father's. Tokens of family and love. Passed down to children and traded between significant others." He smiled at her smirk. "Whenever my father would go away on a mission, he would have them to my mother. She would wear them until his return. He in turn, wore hers. That wasn't normal tradition, but, they did it anyway."

"How did you end up with them?"

Her smile faded, and her eyes downcast. "After my father was killed, she locked them away. I took them when I was twelve. She never knew they were gone until I was wearing them the last time I went home...over ten years later."

The table went silent. Shay kept her eyes on the tray, surprised at herself. While on the run, there were times when she wouldn't speak for days at a time. Even after joining Ronon. When they did exchange words, it was almost always in ancient Satedan. It was just second nature to them since they learned and young children, and the years she spent in Caledonia. And yet, she had just shared a very sacred part of her life. Her father was the only part of her family she was proud of. The only reason she has always pushed herself to be the best. For a reason she couldn't describe, she trusted them.

John let out a relaxed sigh and turned to her. "Well, it's nice to have you with us, Specialist Vallon."

Shay gave him a genuine smile. She couldn't remember the last time she was called that. "I'm glad to be here, Colonel Sheppard."

* * *

_Winter would be coming soon. The twilight air held a cold, crisp breeze that brought chills to her arms. She and Ronon carried their spoils of the day on a stick they held between them. A dozen safykins, tied by their hind legs, hung from the thick branch. If every hunting trip was this successful, the Dex household would have no problem getting through winter. _

_Ronon's father, Soren Dex, laughed as he set a hand on the shoulder of his youngest son. "I think we should pay her. You wouldn't mind having another sister, would you, son? With all the game she brings in. Hunting half as long as you and catches just as much."_

"_At least Shay and I would get along."_

_Shay's shoulders shook in silent laughter. "I wouldn't if I lived with you. We would have black eyes and broken teeth every week." Their laughter roared louder because it was perfectly true. They may be the best of friends, but at times, they hated each other just as much._

_They left the safykin carcasses on the porch of the Dex farmhouse before walking in. The stunned silence erased the smiles from their faces. Everyone was in the front room. Ronon's mother, two siblings and his grandmother. Shay searched the reason for their frowns until her eyes found the face of a visitor, arms crossed and pure anger etched on her features._

"_Mother..." she whispered in disbelief. _

_She stood. "What, in the name of the ancestors, have you been doing?"_

"_Mother, please. I-"_

"_I told you I didn't want you hunting! How dare you!" _

"_Mrs. Vallon-" Ronon pled beside Shay._

"_I don't want to hear anything out of you! You are to stay away from my daughter!"_

_Horror crossed Shay's face. "No! This isn't his fault."_

"_You are a girl, Shay! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?"_

"_Sariah, they were perfectly safe. I never let them out of my sight," Soren tried to ease the situation. _

"_No! I can't believe you, of all people, would teach a twelve year old girl such things. You should be ashamed. After everything you see. Knowing how her father died...and all of you, helped her..." Sariah shook her head in disbelief. _

"_Mama, don't blame them. They didn't know. I told him you said it was okay." Tears started falling down her cheeks. This was never part of the plan. _

"_You...lied to me?"_

_Shay wrung her hands together. "I'm sorry, Mama. I didn't want to. But I knew you wouldn't. I knew it, and so did Father. That's why we never told you." Shay's eyes widened, as her hands covered her mouth. _

"_Your father?" Sariah froze, stunned. For one quick moment, her anger disappeared covered with uncertainty, until the fury returned. "Don't you dare lie to me," she hissed under her breath. She stepped forward. Shay backed into Ronon's chest, fear pouring for her features. "Get away from her!" she pushed grabbed Shay's arm and pushed Ronon from their path, hard. Soren caught him before he could hit the ground. _

_The Dex family screamed in outrage as she pulled Shay out the door. She tripped down the stairs, yelling out in pain. Sariah only forced her back to her feet and kept going. Shay tried desperately to pull against her, but the sobs in her throat made her breaths short. She turned back, screaming in protest. _

"_Ronon! No!" The whole family had emptied onto the porch. Ronon took one step forward before his father stopped. "No!"_

"_Stop it! Let's go." Sariah pulled her even harder and Shay was forced to follow. Sariah waited until they crossed the grass into the santra fields. "You are never to go there again. Your uncle has been right all along. I should have sent you to the Caledonia when you first turned twelve."_

"_Mama...please, not the Temple! Please. I'll never go back. Please!" Shay worked against her mother's fingers in her skin, but to no avail. _

"_You need to learn what your place in this world really is." Sariah stomped forward with even greater purpose. "We are not soldiers. You may marry whomever you wish, but you have no idea how dangerous the galaxy really is."_

"_And you do?" Shay forced through her sobs. _

_Sariah stopped abruptly, whirling around to her. "What did you say?"_

_Shay stood tall with courage as anger filled her chest. "What more do you know of it than me?" She paused. Her mother stayed rooted to the spot. Shay's face fell into a somber mask, tears still falling down her cheeks. "I lost him too, Mother. At least I honor him. You don't even say his name."_

_Sariah lashed out, slapping her cheek. Shay fell to the ground with a yelp. "Be silent. You will be going to the Temple. And if you ever see that boy again, there will be nothing left for you once I am gone."_

_Silence swept over them. Shay held a hand to her cheek, quiet sobs raking her body. Sariah took a few steps back, running her hands through her hair. She took in deep breaths before taking Shay's hand. "You are to be silent until we get home." Her mother pulled out of the santra fields and onto her uncle's land, and she was forced to obey. _


	3. Pale

_**Disclaimer:...do we really still need to do these things...Shay is mine...mineminemine...**_

_**Sorry this took so long guys...it has been kinda crazy around here...I'm gonna be moving in the next few weeks, so it may be that long before the next one's up, but after that, I have the whole summer to write...**_

"Pale" Within Temptation

The world seems not the same,  
Though I know nothing has changed.  
It's all my state of mind,  
I can't leave it all behind.  
I have stand up to be stronger.

I have to try to break free  
From the thoughts in my mind.  
Use the time that I have,  
I can't say goodbye,  
Have to make it right.  
Have to fight, cause I know  
In the end it's worthwhile,  
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away.  
It will be alright.

I know, should realise  
Time is precious, it is worthwhile  
Despite how I feel inside,  
Have to trust it will be alright.  
Have to stand up to be stronger.

I have to try to break free  
From the thoughts in my mind.  
Use the time that I have,  
I can't say goodbye,  
Have to make it right.  
Have to fight, cause I know  
In the end it's worthwhile,  
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away.  
It will be alright.

Oh, this night is too long.  
I have no strength to go on.  
No more pain, I'm floating away.  
Through the mist I see the face  
Of an angel, who calls my name.  
I remember you're the reason I have to stay.

I have to try to break free  
From the thoughts in my mind.  
Use the time that I have,  
I can't say goodbye,  
Have to make it right.  
Have to fight, cause I know  
In the end it's worthwhile,  
That the pain that I feel slowly fades away.  
It will be alright.

Chapter 3

Pale

She was angry. That much he knew. Why else would she be pounding on that damn punching bag everyday for two weeks? Not that he blamed her. After losing her home like she did—how would he have dealt with it?

John stood in the doorway, just watching her pound away. By now Ronon had begun sparring with younger Marines. Teaching them a thing or two about how fight the Wraith effectively. Not Shay. No one even dared to offer. She would surely break a few ribs with that opportunity. Might even enjoy it. The two guards assigned to keep an eye on her stood as far away as possible. Of course they probably should be observed, but he was ready to call off their escorts. Elizabeth had different ideas.

Though, he really didn't understand the point since either of the Satedans could probably escape at any point in time that they choose, or even have a good chance at killing them all without ever being seen. But Elizabeth insisted so the rest of the population would feel more comfortable. John wouldn't argue with her on that, not with what he planned on asking her in the next few days. She was right about one thing—no matter how much he admired the skills of Shay Vallon and Ronon Dex, they knew almost nothing about them.

John shrugged, then smiled. Since the day he had spoken to Shay on the ridge, held at gun point—he knew, they could be people that he could trust with his life.

He watched as Shay finally stopped, leaning against the bag in exhaustion. She glanced at her hands, covered in blue and purple bruises.

"I think that means you need to take a break," he teased easily.

Shay turned with a sneer. "It means I'm not strong enough. I never have been."

He frowned, nodding for the Marines to leave them alone. John entered the room, closing the doors behind him. "Why are you doing this?" she blurted without hesitation.

"Doing what?"

"Who said we needed your help? Who said we needed your sympathy?"

He sighed. She was one of those. "We're just trying to make you welcome. You guys are free to leave whenever you wish."

Shay pushed the bag away from her violently. "Stop doing that!"

"What?"

"Feeling sorry for us!" John opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off sharply. "I see it every time one of your people actually has the courage to look me in the face. Because they all know."

"Know what?"

She turned away from him, running her fingers through her hair. She punched the wall. John flinched for her. She had to have broken something in her hand on that hit. She leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor. She closed her eyes. He knew she was desperately trying to keep her emotions in check. "My world, my people..." her voice was a low whisper. "It's all gone. And all that's left..." she trailed off.

John moved to sit beside her. Shay shook her head and put a hand up to stop him. "Please," she struggled. "Just...leave me alone."

He nodded. "Let Carson look at your hands," he suggested. Usually, he would have probably argued. But for now, he let her have her space. He closed the door behind him once out in the hall. "Don't let anyone bother her," he ordered, leaving the Marines to their detail.

Shay straightened the tank top she wore, sucking in her breath as her knuckles rubbed across her thighs. The doors to the infirmary were open as she approached from the long hallway. She stepped in, her eyes searching for the doctor with the accent she and Ronon held at gunpoint. Well, not really. They held Teyla at gunpoint while he worked. He was nowhere to be found.

A nurse appeared around the corner, hesitating for a moment before she stepped towards the Satedan. "Can I help you, Ms. Vallon?"

Shay looked at her, surprised. Did everyone know their names? She brought her hands into the woman's view. Her eyes, forgetting the suspicions about the patient, went instantly into medical mode. "Oh, I see. Let's go ahead and get those x-rayed."

"What?"

She smiled easily. "It's a machine that takes pictures so we can see your bones. We'll make sure nothing is broken."

Shay nodded, following her lead. She watched the technology without interest. There were things in Satedan hospitals that she could never understand. And she wouldn't start now. After the nurse x-rayed her hands, she led her over to a bed to wait for the doctor.

Dr. Carson Beckett was examining a young woman across the room. She flinched violently as his fingers probed over her ankle. Shay had at least ten years on the girl. She frowned almost with amusement. It's about damn time she started feeling old. It's been a long time coming. She would be thirty-one this year. Shaking her head, she flexed her hand, causing her breath to hitch. Her other hand clinched the bed sheets between her fingers.

It seemed like a lifetime ago that they even cared about celebrating birthdays. Surprised she hadn't lost count in the last seven years. Although, even that would be a hard thing to forget. They did keep count of every Wraith infested day running through this galaxy's wildernesses. You couldn't help it. In that instance, the Wraith always won. Shay could never take back the years that were stolen from her. Though it's unlikely she could have taken out as much Wraith. A small smile turned up her lips.

There was the upside. Seven years. Hundreds of Wraith.

She grew somber again. Why couldn't they take the years of her choosing. Where were they when she was forced to live in the temple. Years of boredom and worshiping to ancestors that didn't even bother listening to their struggles. The years she could have spent with Ronon. Years that could have been a almost perfect childhood, despite missing her father. Years that she spent instead, hating her uncle and despising her mother, even if she was grateful for the peace that she did find.

Shay glanced down at her feet as she remembered the reason for that hatred.

_Shay lay awake in her bed. She still heard the whispered conversation in the main room. She wished at least that her cousin was here. He would understand. More tears fell over the brim of her eyes as thoughts of him crossed her mind. Kerrin had been called to active duty weeks ago. He may even be off planet by now. Even with ten years between them, they understood each other perfectly. _

_He'd joined the Militia as soon as he could a few years after Shay and her mother moved in. He was as eager to get away from this place as she was. If only it was as easy for a girl as it was for boys. The militia was always an option for them. It was a constant topic of conversation between her and Ronon for the last few years now. It took all her strength to keep her jealousy under wraps whenever it did come up. _

_She closed her eyes at the thought of her best friend, and the shudder in her shoulders returned. She wrapped the furs even closer around her. _

_Tonight was it then. It would be the last time she probably ever set foot on this farm. And the last time she would ever see the Dex Family._

_The light that had been illuminating from beneath her door, finally went out. Footsteps moved passed her room down the hall. She sat up in bed, wiping the tears from her face. Her knees found the floor, and as quietly as possible, she pushed the bed over a few feet. Shay removed one of the wood floorboards, reaching for what was kept beneath. _

_She replaced the floorboard and bed, ready to unwrap the long parcel that she removed. A piercing tap collided with the window. Shay gasped, turning towards the glass. She peered across the garden cautiously, out towards the cantri fields. A figure she would know anywhere, waved to her from the crop, then disappeared inside of it. _

_Shay glanced back at her bedroom door. It lay still, no light coming from the main room. She hung the long parcel from her shoulder, and opened her window, crawling out carefully. Her feet hit the ground softly, sitting in a crouch before running swiftly into the fields. A hand grabbed her wrist instantly. "We gotta get you out of here." He began to pull her towards the mountains. _

"_Ronon!" she whispered fiercely. _

"_I've got everything we need for weeks."_

"_Ronon!" Shay pulled her hand from his grasp. "I can't."_

"_Let's go before they know you're gone," he grabbed her again. "They won't find us once we reach the mountains."_

"_And what are we going to do once we get there? Live forever. We can't do that."_

"_What other choice do you have?"_

_Shay looked away from him. "They are sending me to Caledonia."_

_Ronon released her elbow in a stunned silence. "What?"_

"_Tomorrow."_

"_Shay," he whispered. "I won't let them."_

_Shay shook her head. "What are you going to do, Ronon?"_

"_My father can protect you," he put his hands on her shoulders. _

"_And what about my uncle? You know who he is, the people he knows. People much higher in the Militia than a Task Master." She cursed the tears that once again began to fall. "No one can help me. I have to go."_

"_Shay..." he wiped her tears. "I'll come for you."_

_She shook her head. "I'll be a ward of the Temple until I'm eighteen. Then I can make all the decisions I choose."_

"_Nothing is ever fair."_

_She gave him a sad smile. "What is? We live in a galaxy where we are fed on by another race."_

"_Shay," he put his hands on her cheeks. "In three years, when I join the Militia, I'll come for you."_

_More tears fell down her face and she fiercely wrapped her arms around his neck. Ronon returned the embrace. Shay calmed the shudder of her shoulders and stepped away from him. She wiped the tears from her face. "We only part..." she whispered. _

_Ronon took a deep breath. "...to meet again."_

_Shay handed him the long parcel hanging over her shoulder. "Keep it safe for me." He only nodded. She took one of his hands in hers, squeezing gently. Ronon returned the gesture. "Be good," she said before releasing his hand and sprinting back through the cantri, to her open window. Shay tried with all her might to not let more tears fall, but she couldn't help it. They both knew, this may be the last time they would see each other. _

"So what have we got here..." the voice of the doctor disrupted her memories. Shay held up one of her hands. Horror instantly crossed his features. "My God!" he said in a fierce whisper. "What happened here?"

Shay shrugged. "Punching bag."

Carson shook his head. "Looks like the bag won." The nurse handed him the x-ray films. "Alright, let's see the damage..." He held the films up to the light, one by one. "Well, looks like you're a lucky one today, love."

Shay flinched as he took her right hand in his, his fingers prodding around the dark bruises. "No breaks, but you have to take it easy for a while. These bruises won't go away in a hurry." He eyed her for understanding.

"No working out," she droned.

"At least not with your hands." He rolled the tray over in front of her. "Go ahead and sit back, take these painkillers," he handed her two pills and a cup of water. "We're gonna ice down some of this swelling before I let you outta here."

Shay did as ordered while a nurse brought over to bags of ice. Shay almost sighed in relief at the cool sensations that passed through her arms as the ice covered the purple skin. She laid her head back onto the pillows and shut her eyes.

_Shay wiped the tears from her eyes before silently crawling back into her window. Slowly, she she closed the shutters, locking them back in place. It took all her will not to break the window back open and flee into the mountains as Ronon had planned. It wouldn't be so bad. Living in the middle of the Satedan wilderness. Just the two of them, living as they pleased. _

_However delighting it sounded, Shay dismissed it as soon as it crossed her mind. No matter how imperfect and dysfunctional her family was, it was her family. It was the only home she had. Sniffling, Shay stopped back towards her bed when a hand grabbed her wrist from behind. She snapped her head back in surprise only to have her cheek slapped. Shay crumpled to with floor with a gasp. _

_In terror, Shay crawled away from her uncle. "You have never been worth this much trouble." His boot falls echoed through the wooden walls. Shay pushed her back against the wall, following his shadow. _

"_Uncle, please..."_

"_I thought I was too late when I saw your window wide open." He crouched down unto his hunches. "You should have runaway when you had the chance." His voice was soft. Even his features showed mercy. For a fleeting moment, she thought he was going to leave. But, never since the moment this became her home, was he kind. _

_His features took on a demon's anger as his hand wrapped around her throat, raising her to her feet. "Where did you go? Did you meet him in the fields?"_

_Shay tried in vain to rip his fingers from her skin, only succeeding in clawing at skin enough to make it bleed. "I know why you were out there. There's only one way to stay out of the Temple. Did you enjoy it, Shay?"_

_She wheezed, shaking her head. "No," she gasped. "I-"_

_Her uncle pulled her from the wall, throwing her down beneath the window. "You're just like your father. My brother never listened. Didn't know how to respect the family name. Didn't even have a son. A son of his I could have trained. But you are worse than useless. Why do you think I told your mother to send you to the Temple? With you gone, there's no more wrinkles."_

"_You are," she coughed, "nothing like my...father." He froze for a moment, as if decided which punishment to give her. He stuck a hand in his pocket, pulling out a leather strap a few feet long. Shay's eyes widened in horror. "No, uncle, please. I'll be quiet. I'll go to the Temple. Just please...don't," she pleaded. _

_The door to her room suddenly opened, her mother appearing, still half asleep. "What are you doing, Shay?" _

_Shay's voice shook. "Mama, please. Don't let him." Her uncle never moved a muscle, just stood with the same snarl on his face. _

_Sariah locked eyes with Shay, then glanced at her uncle's back. "Is it necessary?"_

"_Yes," he answered without hesitation. _

_Unforgivable terror etched into Shay's face as she watched her mother glance at her not even for a second, before turning away and closing the door. She couldn't even cry out. Blackness choked her heart as she was frozen in place. She was oblivious to his first strike as the hardened leather hit the bare skin of her arm. A scream erupted from her throat as Shay tried to flee from him, ending up with the wall at her back. _

_With nowhere to run, her eyes found those of her uncle, and prayed to the ancestors that he would see mercy. _

_  
_

Shay shot up in bed, attacking the hands holding her down. "No! Let me go!"

"Shay! It was just a dream."

"Not just a dream. She's having night terrors," a strange accent replied. Something was beeping wildly beside her. Her vision was blurry, as she tried to push herself away from the many shadows around her. "Get some restraints in here!"

"No, please..." she sobbed. Tears dripped down her face, soaking her skin.

"Come on, Shay. Wake up, we're right here." A voice she couldn't place tried to soothe her.

"Oh, she's awake Colonel, she just doesn't know it yet. I need sedatives!"

Shay flinched away as an enormous bang filled the room. Words flowed from her mouth in the language of her homeworld. She couldn't control it. "Shay!" a gruff voice was suddenly next to her.

"_Ronon! No! Get him away._" Strong hands took her right side.

"_It's okay, Shay. He's not here_," he said calmly. "_Your uncle is dead. Sateda is gone. We're on Atlantis._"

"_No, no, he's here._" She pulled against the ties being put around her wrists. She can't let him do this again. But she couldn't stop it. Shay could feel the tracks of tears on her cheeks. The voices around her began to fade, as if time was slowing. It was harder to move, harder to struggle. Finally as the energy left her, Shay laid her head back. "_Ronon...don't..._" Giving up, she let the blackness take her.

Shay finally slept, peacefully. Ronon sat in a chair beside the bed, chin resting in his hands, his trained eyes never leaving her face for any distress. The other three stood on the other side. He wanted to stand and growl at them to leave. Standing here crowding her wasn't going to help anything. That, he knew. He spent the last seven years watching her, calming her when the nightmares hit. He had prayed, with a false hope, that leaving the life of a runner behind meant leaving the nightmares as well. But of course, they were never that lucky.

He still never understood why these memories finally decided to plague her, so many years after it happened. So few of them were about the Wraith. And if they were, it included her father. However, there was much he did not understand. Especially in a place like Atlantis. He was a doer. So was Shay. They were born with the strong arms and fearless minds for battle. Well, as fearless as they would admit.

Ronon finally moved, taking one of her hands in his. "_I'm sorry, Shay..._" he whispered.

"Ronon..." John finally spoke. The Satedan took his hand away from Shay, standing, his eyes finding the Colonel's. He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated, glancing at Dr. Beckett to assistance.

"How long has she had these night terrors, son?" he asked straight out.

Ronon almost dared to show a small smirk. Almost. He admired the doctor's forwardness. He knew how intimidating his presence could be. "Night terrors?"

"This was more than just a nightmare. When she awoke, she still believed she was asleep, or actually experiencing the event, unaware that she was not. That is a night terror. Far more serious than nightmares, and serious illness in adults, I'm afraid. It usually ties into a very stressful lifestyle. However, considering your life for the last seven years, it is not surprising she is experiencing such episodes."

Elizabeth Wier, a woman Ronon still hadn't decided if her liked or not, spoke next. "Can it be cured?"

"Absolutely. In fact, it is highly uncommon for adult to have one at all. She is heavily sedated now. I can provide her with sleeping pills that will induce heavier sleep, but they will not guarantee prevention of another episode. It also depends on how long this has been going on."

Instantly, all three sets of eyes turned to him. "A while," he replied automatically.

"How long is a while?"

"At least four years."

Carson looked surprised. "That is more serious, I'm afraid. Because of the trauma you both have experienced, Shay's night terrors may be induced by psychological damage."

"Permanent?" John asked. Ronon could definitely hear some apprehension in his voice.

"No, I don't think so. I'm positive after some time here will help. But, I would suggest she take appointments with Dr. Heightmeyer."

Ronon cut Elizabeth off, whatever her reply was going to be. "It's not the Wraith." All three looked back at him.

"Excuse me?"

"It's not the Wraith that she is having dreams of."

"I can't imagine anything more frightening," the doctor said, unsure.

"She can."

"Like what?"

Ronon fell silent. He wasn't going to betray her confidence. What happened to her was personal, something she didn't tell anyone. He barely got it out of her himself. "You'll have to ask her that."

Carson, John and Elizabeth silently turned to each other as Ronon sat back down beside Shay. "Alright," Wier sighed. "I'll let Dr. Heightmeyer know about a new patient. And Ronon..." he turned his eyes up to her. "...if you wouldn't mind, I would request talk to her as well." She looked on him with empathy.

She didn't want two out of control Satedans. He sighed. At least she was honest about it. "Fine."

"Alright," she smiled, turning to the doctor. "Keep me posted."

"Will do," Carson replied to her back as she left the infirmary. He gave Ronon a reassuring smile before leaving the beside as well.

Only John remained. He hoped onto the bed on her other side. Ronon turned towards him, expectantly. The Colonel only grinned. "I don't leave members of my team alone. That is...hoping you both have considered my offer."

"We talked about it."

"And..." Ronon took his eyes away from John, setting them back on Shay. "Fine...just, keep thinking about it."

And then, they were silent. Ronon was glad at least, that a man who may be his new commanding officer, could appreciate silence. He liked him already.

She knew, with a great relief, that she was awake before her eyes fluttered open. Shay sighed in disbelief as she recognized the ceiling of the infirmary. Why the hell was she still here? "Hey..." someone greeted beside her.

Beside the bed, John sat with his feet propped on the sheets, a book in his lap. "How you feeling?"

"Fine," she answered automatically. "Why am I here? The Doc said he just wanted me to ice my hands before I could leave."

He froze. "You don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"I'll go get Dr. Beckett," John stood.

Shay sat up. "Remember what, Colonel?"

John crossed his arms. "You fell asleep."

Without him having to explain anything else, Shay knew what happened. She closed her eyes and looked away from him. John leaned against the bed rail. "Before everyone converges around you," he whispered. "...you want to tell me what happened."

"You must have been there. You saw it. What is there to explain." Her voice was hard.

"Ronon said that it's not because of the Wraith."

Shay turned to him in surprise. "He told you."

"No, he didn't. But I was wondering if you could tell me."

Shay glanced away again, thanking the ancestors that she was still in her own clothes. She kicked her feet over off the bed. John took her elbow into his hand. "Whoa, there, Shay. Doc told me not to let you go anywhere."

"I'm not staying here. There's nothing wrong with me, Colonel." She ripped her arm out of his grip and stood.

"Doctor Beckett said-"

"I don't care what the doctor said! Every soldier has nightmares." she growled. "I'm leaving."

"I'm going to allow that, Shay. Not yet." Another voice joined the party. Carson stepped up to edge of the bed. "There is nothing physically wrong with you, my dear. However, I'm afraid it is not just nightmares."

"What do you mean?"

"They are called night terrors," he explained. "They are usual for your age, and will eventually disappear. But, because of the trauma you have endured, it may take an extensive mental transition for that to happen."

Shay glanced back and forth between John and Carson. Whatever expression she had on her face, John walked around the bed with a calm smile. "The Doc just thinks you're gonna need a little help getting rid of these things."

Shay crossed her arms. "I don't need help. I'm fine." Instead of walking around him, Shay put her hand on his shoulder, pushing him out of her path.

"Colonel-" Carson began to protest.

"No, no. Let her go. Give her some time."

* * *

_He could never imagine the pain. They have barely known of the Wraith for a year, and they think they know about pain. _

_They were just nightmares. All soldiers have nightmares. We all do things we wish we could take back. See things we wish we never saw. But I could never afford the sympathy. Everything I have ever done was for Sateda. For our people. Ronon and I are responsible for many sorrows...but we could never regret them. _

_It's the evil of the Wraith that cause these memories to still linger. It was so many lifetimes ago...things I only wish I could forget. It's times like this that I miss the Temple. The peace I lived in for so many years. It was my prison, and my salvation all at once. It was there that I knew real and pure peace. And once I left those walls...never again. _

_It wasn't until then that they started. The government wasn't the only one she had to fight to join the militia. I hated my mother the moment she closed my bedroom door, trapping me. It's been almost twenty years...and I can still feel every strike. I can still see every furious line in his face. _

_I have faced the Wraith now so many times. There were times I was so close to death, my superiors were preparing my funeral celebrations. But never, had I ever been so frightened, like I was in the walls of my uncle's farmhouse. _

_Atlantis is different. This is the home of the Ancestors. Her people were the strongest she knew, until now. John and his people may be new here...but there is one thing I am completely sure of._

_Atlantis is the only hope for my galaxy._

_I don't have a home left. And I have to make that doesn't happen to anyone else, ever again. _

* * *

Shay had somehow found her way unto one of the piers. She sighed as her skin soaked up the sunlight. Her leather boots clapped hard on the metal beneath her feet as she remembered the sweltering days of a Satedan summer. She had always preferred the heat. Sunlight and a warm breeze. The humidity lingering even at night. She left her windows open to listen to the birds and whispering sheks.

And even after all the sunsets on all the worlds she had witnessed, the sunsets of the Satedan summers were the most magnificent. When the sky was clear, it was the brightest gold, and when clouds dotted the vastness of blue, there were hues of every color. The santra and cantri fields were oceans of yellow and orange. And the still snowcapped high peaks in the distance became majestic violet monuments.

Shay lowered herself unto the edge of the pier, dangling her feet towards the deep blue water below. Her had taken her to the ocean only once as a child. It was right before he left for a mission and would never come back. Even still, she smiled fondly. She had been eyed by it's massiveness. Only then, had she began to understand the size of her home world.

Eyeing the ladder a few feet away from her, her smile transformed to a grin. She stood, unlacing her boots and slipped them off. With a few long strides backwards, Shay paused for only a moment before sprinting for the edge, and pushing herself away from the pier. Arms pointing over her head, she braced for the impact, hitting the cold currents smoothly.

Her skin breathed in the refreshing cool of the water as she somersaulted in the deep silence before finally surfacing. The cold even relieved her sore, bruised hands.

Salty air filled her lungs, as she floated on the surface for a few moments, following the movements of the clouds. Shay dove under one last time before paddling over to the ladder, climbing back up to the pier. Once atop, she flopped onto her back, enjoying the breeze on her wet skin.

The sun already began to dry her clothes as she heard the footsteps approaching her. "You really didn't didn't go in there, did you?"

"It is an ocean, Colonel."

"Yeah, probably with sea monsters." He set his hands on his hips, looking out into the sea's expanse.

Shay didn't open her eyes or say another word, just wanted to continue to enjoy the silence. "How are you feeling, Shay?"

The Satedan sighed. "How many times do I have to say I'm fine before you understand that I'm fine?"

"I take care of my people Shay, and if you do decide to stay, and become a member of my team, I need to make sure you are ready."

Shay groaned, pushing herself into a sitting position. "Colonel Sheppard, I'm fine. This place truly is...our only hope. And I may yet find my first peaceful sleep here in many years."

"Well, if you stay...Doctor Wier would like you to set up some meetings with Doctor Heightmeyer. She's not a medical doctor like Carson. She helps us...coup with things here."

"So you are all as screwed up as I am?" She joked lightly.

"Yes, well...join the club."

They were quiet for a few more moments. John shifted uncomfortably. She smiled. Either, he didn't want to leave, didn't know what to say to leave, or really wanted to say something, just didn't know how. "Well..." he mumbled. "I'll leave you alone then," and he took a few steps away from her.

"Oh, and Colonel Sheppard." She heard him stop. Shay never took her eyes of the ocean's horizon. She paused before continuing. "I do not know Ronon's decision. But I will stay. I may be free of the Wraith, but not of the duty I have to the people of this galaxy."

"And what is that?"

"I lost my home to the Wraith. Everything I knew," she whispered. "I won't let that happen again."

"Well...then there's something you should know."

"And what's that?"

"Ronon has decided to stay as well," and his steps began to move away from her.

Shay sighed. The sun began to dip closer to the horizon. _We'll see exactly how glorious an Atlantean sunset is. _


End file.
